Category Archives: guys

Wasted

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Hey readers sorry I haven’t posted anything for a few days. I have been feeling like shit because I have a giant sinus infection occupying most of my head. I only found this out by spending 5 hours in the er on Wednesday and insisting I have a ct scan of my head because the constant pain behind my left eye was scaring the hell out of me.  I am currently taking an antibiotic, mucinez d which is mucinez combined with sudafed and a pain pill that is classified as a narcotic. I just two of those and feel very drunk. I do not hardly drink alcohol and I feel like I drank 151 vodka which I have not done  probably 6 or 7 years. I walk all messed up and when I close my eyes the room is spinning which makes me nauseous. I just tried to persuade a 21 guy to come over but his car was stolen so he can not drive and if he said he wanted to come over my dumbass self was going to attempt to drive. The hormones are trying to take control again. Oh no. He is very cute and we enjoy talking to each other but he is fresh off a break up and 11 years younger than me.  10 years younger I have done and tried to date which was fucking stupid on my part. I like him and he’s easy to talk to about pretty much anything which i had a guy friend like that but we were more than friends and had sex on and off for 10 years and i was very attached to him. I think i was in love with him and we actually dated officially for about 18 months. We had more sex when we weren’t dating. He said he loved me but wasn’t in love with me. What a crock of shit. No he preferred to fall for alcoholic trashy psycho bitches. After his latest one that he flaunted in my face and that dumped him twice and he acted heart broken i had enough and told him i was fucking done. He spent the money he owed me for bills to get drunk after the bitch dumped him again and they were back together the next damn day. He got two duis in less than 4 months and got locked up. Since he didn’t pay his rent and hadn’t been paying his share for months, i packed up his shit and got a new roommate. I didn’t throw his stuff away i put it in storage. He was locked up for about a month and half, got out and called me. I didn’t answer it, he texted me said get was out. I told him that i had a new roommate for a month and his stuff was in storage. He expected me to just wait around for who knows how long and get into more debt and keep his room for him. Fuck that, besides owing me a lot of money and repeatly breaking my heart over the years, i had to get him of my life before it was ruined or ended by me because of all the pain i went through and would have continued to go through thanks to him and only caring about himself. So he texted me that he fucked up his life and lost a nice place to live. I didn’t even respond to that because he did and he knew it. I have not spoken a word to him in weeks because i know he will try to make me feel bad and sorry for him and try to crash on my couch forever. I have been trying to save him and love him since we were 23 . I’m 33 and he will be by the end of the year and he needs to grow up and take care of himself instead of living off of other people like a damn parasite. I do miss the good parts of him, he is an awesome cook and best sex I’ve ever and i can totally be myself with him and we have fun hanging out talking and watching wrestling and gossip girl. But he completely forgets about me when some trashy bitch comes along and he drinks way too much, quits good jobs and hardly ever pays bills on time and spends his money on alcohol, cigarettes and pot. I work my ass off at a very stressful job because i have obligations , a mortgage, condo fee, car insurance, credit cards, doctor bills, electric bill, gas, groceries, my pets and yeah i like to shop. I can’t tell the people and places i owe money to oh i don’t have it right now, I’ll pay you later.
So yes cutting off contact after 10 years seems kind of cold and it’snot easy for me but i have to take care of me. I am better off without him and his excuses and drama. So i have kind of replaced him with someone who even has the same name but without all the crap and drama.This would be Charming. So i need to tell the hormones to chill so i literally don’t fuck this up.

My other blog

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My other blog is called KessieJ’s blog. All names have been changed to protect the innocent and not so innocent. Changing names of over 20 people is a pain but I do not want any of the guys getting pissed and taking legal action. This blog is an adult blog for mature audiences that are not easily offended. I have been meaning to get my like/love you/lust  life down and chronicled for years and some recent events kicked me in ass enough to do it. There is a poem i will include in this blog because it sums up my low self esteem during that period and summarizes the thoughts and actions of that time in my life. Hey readers, exciting news, i will start typing i a true life story i’ve been meaning to do for years. I found out why I haven’t, when I went through and tried to organize everything in chronilogical order and it took some searching in old journals I got a hell of a lot of action in my 20s. More than I remembered and some it very close together. That’s why I must use a fake name my family would flip out and possibly have heart attacks.